Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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