Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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