Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
a search helicopter?!
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize