Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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