I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
