She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Two words: blizzard sex
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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