apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
