i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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