Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We left an ass print on the piano.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
