God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
