he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
