You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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