I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
