...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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