i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
