I haven't been this sober since birth.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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