When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
