After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
