shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
