the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
