I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
