If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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