After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
