update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
