Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
