we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
