I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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