Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
