I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
