so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's rum buckets o'clock
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
