i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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