im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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