I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
