DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
