Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
