Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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