I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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