I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
