I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
