Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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