I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
