:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
