dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
