9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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