My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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