...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You need Xanax blowdarts
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
