She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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