i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
well you can't waste a boner
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
