Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
