You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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