he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
