why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize