You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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