I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
