well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Randomize
