I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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