My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
