you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
