I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
