Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
