good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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