MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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