It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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