Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
