he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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