Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
high people should be assigned attendants
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
