I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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