i think my mom watched the whole time
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
