Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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