u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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