STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
