she woke up with a sticky ear
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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