How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
