I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm going to jail i love you
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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