i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
