someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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