next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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