I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
