nut hugger
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize