you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
