i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
