If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
