the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
