Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
