tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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