you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
