We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
