Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
