I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We are two peas in an std pod
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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