my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
